Apparently you make a good broom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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