The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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