allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
