no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
