I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
