Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
