I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
