Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
