Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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