dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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