They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
