I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
