I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
