When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
