i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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