Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
