I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
