is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
