Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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