have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize