I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
