Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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