Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
