I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
