Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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