omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize