Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize