I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
