Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
