Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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