I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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