are you still at the devil's house?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize