so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
