HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize