Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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