What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
