i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
