Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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