Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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