Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
