why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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