Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
