Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
