I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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