I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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