Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
