my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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