Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
