Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
