Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
