I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
