I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
