best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize