i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
