i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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