hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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