..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
