My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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