You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
