I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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