he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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