Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
