it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
