The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize