i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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