You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize