He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
