Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
