I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All the doctor said was why
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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