Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
