my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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