It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
