My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
