you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
