I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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