How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
